Nothing much new to update on Gary's condition, other than it seems as if the nose bleeds are finished. He had a few good coughing attacks today, and the nose held. The severe nausea is still an ongoing problem, as are the high fevers. Gary is getting blood and platelets everyday -- I think the fevers are chewing though the platelets and maybe some of the blood. His nurse told me today that people who receive a lot of transfusions sometimes don't get as big a bump in their hemocrit (red blood count) as they used to from a transfusion. This may explain why Gary needs so much blood to get the desired effect of a raised hematocrit. I don't know.
Today was a very hard day for me as the cumulative effects of Gary's prolonged stay in the hospital are wearing on me. It's been a very lonely two weeks. I called my dear friend Nan and she came and sat with me and cried with me and made me laugh. Thanks, Nan. You're my "Go-to Girl".
For some reason, I have been harboring this overwhelming feeling that I wish everyone could know how hard this is, to sit in the hospital day after day, and watch him struggle and not be able to effectively help him. Or know how hard Gary is working and what an amazingly strong person he is or how much he tolerates without complaining once. I don't know why it would be important for people to know or why it would make me feel better. Perhaps someone could explain it to me.
I will be in the hospital tomorrow morning hopefully in time to meet with the doctors when they round. I have a whole list of questions that I hope can be answered. I usually just get a shrug or the standard "we don't know" response. I'm also planning on paging Dr. Jones to get a pep talk. I need one, and we haven't spoken with him since before Christmas. I always like to get his spin on things.
I took the kids into the hospital on Christmas Day to see Gary and open gifts from Santa. We managed it, but Gary was in the middle of a massive nose bleed when we arrived. Luckily, our friend Dave was with me to help corral the kids while I helped Gary make it out of his room. Gary and I agreed that this was the worst Galloway Christamas on record, but Gary did point out that it WAS, in fact, ON RECORD. He is incredible.
I hope to have more progressive news soon. We're all working pretty hard around here to make that happen.
"Yop!!!!" "We are here!!!! We are here!!!!"
Thank you Marcy for keeping us up-to-date on everthing that's been happening! Even though we don't often leave comments or send emails, we're here, and thinking of you - you're in our hearts and prayers. :-)
Debi & Peter
Do not hesitate to activate the Girlfriend Network - the GFNWHL (GirlFriendNetWorkHotLine) is up and running 24/7 here in ATL.
Pam, Charlie and HOPE
There are lots and lots of people around for you to hang on too. All of us feel like we are helpless watching your family going through this and not knowing what to do to help. We know, or at least we think we know, how hard this must be for everyone. We talk of your family each day in our house with prayers for all and how lucky you are to have so many people to look to for support. I know it doesn't seem that way, but you do, use us all. As always you are in our prayers.
Karen, John, Kevin and Jarrett
Marcy, none of us can truly know how hard it is for you, nor can we know how brave Gary is, or how much anything hurts... but be assured, reading your journal entries makes the feelings pretty damn real. Through my tears, I called the Red Cross this morning and made a platelet donation appointment (White Marsh: 410-933-0689). They have lots of openings on December 31st...as you have opened your hearts to all of us, I can open a vein or two. Life ain't about choosing whether we want to feel good, or feel bad. It's about whether we choose to feel, or not. Falling in love, marrying our best friend, having children, and opening the door to friends and family are all acts of love that leave us terribly vulnerable to pain. But it is the only way we get to soar on the joy. Believe it or not, you are soaring, together with Gary, higher than any one has ever been or imagined. Those of us at lower altitudes are in awe. We would all like to think we are there for you, but the truth is, you are there, for us. There, but for the grace of God, go I.
Hi there Beautiful, we are here and thinking of you and your courage, grace and clever wit as you keep us informed on this wonderful website. I want to remind you of a conversation we had one day as we enjoyed one of those great shrimp salad sandwiches at the Caddyshack. I had brought Gareth for a visit and I was crying on your shoulder about how I hated it when people would come up to me and comment on his cleft lip/gum and say "Well, thank God, it's only that, something fixable and not something really terrible." I would get so mad and then I'd feel guilty about being mad. I wanted just smack everyone and said "How the hell do you know what is "serious" in my life.. the insurance paperwork, Dr's visits, looks and comments and impending surgery is serious and it's really hard on a new post-partum mamma." You told me to stop feeling guilty and that it was ok to know that this was really shitty and it shouldn't be this way. For the moment life sucked and I had a right to be mad about not having the Norman Rockwell, perfect little All-American beauty birth experience. You also told me it would be alright. Your words were freeing. I have told this story to others going thru a hard time hoping they will see it ok to be in-the-crappy-moment, because that's what it is. Well, it's my turn now and you're right, we can't know how terrible this is, but I know in spite of your brave front and clever comments, you're a little tired of this cruel joke. I tell you what, I will be tired for you and today I will be pissed off for you and carry your worries around on my shoulders. You spend your time kissing those babies for me, Miss Ali, just be sure you're wearing bright red lipstick when you do.
Love to you and Gary and give him a kiss too!
Marcy, I'll be at Hopkins again tomorrow Tuesday in the afternoon after 3 pm for work... Need to go grab a coffee... Drop me an email. I'll be there to listen. My BIGGEST pet peeve is for someone to tell me how I should feel. No one else but you would know that! You and Gary and the little ones are constantly in our thoughts and prayers! We love you! Mark and Lisa
"Ajar: The Door-Jamb Superstore." No, it doesn't exist, but wouldn't it be funny if it did? That's my random thought for the day. My other thought is, basically, "whatever you need, whatever it takes." I love you and can't wait to share some good news with you. What did Dr. Feelgood ... sorry, Jones ... say? Has he taken away Matsui's clipboard (or voicebox) yet?
Part I of II
Hhmm, are you sure you want to hear my feelings on this? Remember, Iíve already been officially labeled GOM (Grumpy-Old-Man) by you in our Maxtech/GE days! Well, here it is, from the master complainer himself (with many profanities removed):
Albeit I intentionally interjected humor into my intro above, Iím wholeheartedly and completely serious about my feelings below.
Why is life so cruel? Why do people have to hurt so much? How do people deal with such pain? Seeing one suffer is so painful. Itís so painful to think about that I often find myself trying not to think about it. But I know that heís still in pain and he canít just put it out of his mind. I just shake my head and keep shaking my head until something distracts meÖ Then I go through the thought again. He is a good person, he has a golden heart, he has a precious family, and he has incredible ambition and self resourcefulness. Why him? Why his family? Why do things seem to take too damn long to get better? Why canít things just all go back to normal? Iím shaking my head again. Whatís it like to be in that situation? How do they cope? I feel completely helpless. I get angry. So many of my problems just donít matter that much anymoreÖ After all, theyíre going through near-hell experiences. Why should I let my high-blood sugar levels stress me out? Why should I let that imbecile driver piss me off? I guess what it comes down to for me is that I am starting to count my blessings more and more. Iíve had experiences with close friends in the worst of situations (deliberately not mentioning details here). The worst of all was seeing them in pain and in fear of the unknown. Nothing can describe how much it hurt me to see them in constant painÖ Nothing! Marcy, I may never completely understand your feelings in this crapy situation, but Iím pretty sure itís keeping me pretty messed-up too.
Part II of II
I am terrified, depressed, furious, bewildered, & apprehensive for you, Gary, Libby, Patrick, and your beloved familyÖ every single day, every single minute, every single head shake.
Yet I have lots & lots of hope & confidence, and I never intend to let go of it! The way I see it, Gary is on the mend. I really have no basis nor rational to think otherwise. This helps me a ton!
May the un-ending influx of love and support from your family, friends, & others keep you on your toes and provide you with an abundance of comfort & courage. You are truly in the upset minds & broken hearts of so many. And, you have absolutely every right & reason to know this.
-Lots of Love
Hi Gary and family,
You probably don't know me, but well I knew Gary back in college. Guess this is the trouble you get into when you are sitting at work, grumpy that you're in the office when everyone else is gone. Bored and start to google people and the past. Anyway, was startled to find this page and weblog and even more saddened to find out about Gary. Just knew him briefly back in the day but back then he was (and i'm assuming still is) a barrel of laughs and jokes. Don't know how I could have made it through freshman chemistry.. then again don't know how HE made it through biology. ;-)
In any case, just wanted to lend some words of support and encouragement to you and your family, Gary. Have to say, that your obsession with U2 back in the day passed into me as well. For me music has always been a great source of inspiration and hope. I'm sure you'll get through this by virtue of your personality and by the obvious love that surrounds you. Not to mention that you have affected people and probably didn't even realize it.
In any case, just wanted to know that someone out there, on the other side of the world was stirred by a recent, vague dream of friends from years ago, and through the 'miracles' (or sometimes maybe even the 'curse') able to find you. I hope that 2004 brings you and yours the courage and inspiration; in the words of almighty Bono (;-) , "We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other"...
Peace and love,
Mimi, Amsterdam, Dec 2002