There are good days and really bad days and blah days and hopeful days. More good than bad, so I guess I'm on my way to where I'm going. My main concern on this road of grief is that I want to do this grieving thing right the first time, because I don't want to have to do it again 5 years down the road because I screwed it up the first time. Good thinking, huh?
The kids and I are getting to know each other again, and man, can we really get on each other's nerves sometimes! Patrick says to me periodically, "Sometimes you get maaaad!" To which I counter, "Sometimes you get maaaaad, too!" Libby doesn't get mad, she gets even. Yesterday I found her on top of the piano, just checking things out.
Here's the "Wow" part of this entry. As some of you know, shortly after Gary died, the owner of his company Don Awalt, told me that RDA was planning on setting up college funds for our children. The generosity of this pledge was overwhelming at the time, but after receiving a check today for $43,000 I am now stunned to silence (almost). Human nature is always catching me by surprise and usually in a bad way. This amazing act of kindness by many people who never even met Gary or me is... well I can't seem to find the right word. After chatting with my financial advisor, he thinks with a fund as large as this to invest, Patrick and Libby's entire college education will be completely paid for. The only pressure on me is to raise two children who will take full advantage of this blessing that has been given to them. What a gift. We're starting SAT preparation classes tomorrow, and Patrick will be offered as an intern for RDA as soon as possible.
Here's another generous act from folks we hardly know: After Gary started this journal, he did some research and decided to host this "web log" with a company called pMaching Hosting. Gary reserved the domain name "dadswithcancer.org" through them and housed the journal on their servers. Here's an email I received the other day:
From : firstname.lastname@example.org
Sent : Friday, February 6, 2004 10:31 AM
To : email@example.com
Subject : Condolences from pMachine Hosting
When Gary signed up for this webhosting account, it caught our attention because of the domain name. Since then, we've gone periodically to read his entries and yours. We were saddened to discover that he had departed on December 30th and although we didn't know your family, we shared in your sadness. Although this was a very personal journey, we were touched by your strength to put these experiences into words and share them with friends, family, and strangers all over the world.
All of us at pMachine Hosting would like to extend our condolences to you and your family. And we would like to let you know that we will keep dadswithcancer.org up with all of the entries for as long as you would like for free along with the domain name. We hope to keep this site available for years to come so that when your children grow up, they will be able to read their father's entries.
All the best to you and your family.
- Julie and Nevin
- pMachine Hosting
Unbelivable, huh? So if anyone needs a web log hosting company (and I know you ALL do), you know to use pMachine Hosting.
The cards and emails from our friends continue to be very helpful to me, and I appreciate them very much.
I take the kids swimming on Fridays at the Maryland Athletic Club. My mom meets me there and it has been really fun. Patrick, clad in his Spongebob Squarepants bathing suit and his floatation vest sticks to me like glue. Over the course of the hour we're there, I work on trying to get him to swim on his own and take some risks. Conversely, Libby jumps into the pool from the edge, sinks like a stone and loves every minute of it. Are these kids really related?
I sincerely hope everyone out there is well, and we are doing our very best around here to be well, too.
Love to all--
Marcy, you, Gary and the kids have a lot of friends at RDA, and it was a total coimmunity effort! We had 3 former employees and three firends of employees contribute as well. We feel great we knocked one challenge off your list, and we are behind you all the way..
I am so pleased to read this news, I thank God that there are people out here that have the heart to give in any way they are able. My prayers are constantly with you.
I loved seeing you yesterday, I've been asked by many how you are. To which I've replied she's right where she needs to be; doing what she needs to do. I applaud your bravery and approach to the grieving process. It's going to be a very long healing process but I think you are armed with the right tools and most importantly the right atittude. I think of you, Patrick, and Libby often and I know you will all be just fine (eventually). Take care.